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Perception Check

de Tom Cardy

On the horizon of this forest path, you see a group of dark cloaked figures
Slowly trudging towards you, what do you do?
My half orc barbarian braces her great hammer and that's a one
Critical fail, Steve what do you do?
Well I believe in anticipation my rouge would try and hide behind a tree
Okay I rolled a one
That's another critical fail, tom what does your human bard do?
Active perception check
That's a natural 20
Let's fucking go

I feel it in my fingers
I feel it in my toes
This mothafuckas means to harm us
And they got to go, so come and get'em now
You picked the wrong day
To fuck around with my tight crew, oh, oh
There's no escaping it
I can perceive you

Here's what were gonna do
Me and ma boys gonna mess you up
(I rolled a one) (I rolled a one)
Fuck
My boys are otherwise engaged
So I'm gonna bring it all myself

Hey, I forgot, you're supposed to tell me what I see, right?
Yes, thank you let's just slow it all down a little bit
So you notice that one of the hooded figures is a little shorter-
I cast vicious mockery, Nat 20 let's go

You're a short mothafucka and nobody likes you! (short!)
Everybody says look how fucking short that guy is
And that stops you from forming meaningful relationships
And when you where born everybody thought that you were just a head
But then the doctor said hey this stupid mothafuckin tiny short ass
Baby got a tiny little-itty-bitty body and I hate it

Your attack lands and absolutely shatters the mind of the cloaked figure
Perception check, please
Nat 20 let's go
You perceive the figure was so short because it was a child!
(It's always a kid)
Specifically the child you've been looking for, for the last 15 days game
Time and 5 days of our actual lives
Okay, I'm sorry. I didn't know, I'll be better, his body is just lying there right?
Right?
Yes
Don't

Loot that body!
(Gotta loot that body now!)
Loot that body!
(Gotta loot the muthafucka!)
Play my flute when I loot that dead kids body!

Bitch!

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