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Hope Gets Harder

de Martha

It must have been October the last time that we spoke
And though I think about you, I decided that
It’s safer where we left it, safer for us both
That stuff was a million years ago

When you got accepted I went loopy, hoping you’d be on my team
When you got accepted I was totally ridiculous

We were the ones who always felt awkward, socially cornered
And I still feel the same
Still dreading the laughter, like what does it matter? It’s not what I’m after anyway

I won’t take a compliment, but I will ruminate for hours on a single mean remark
Collecting them like ornaments, the nasty things that people say that I save up to think about when it gets dark

When you got accepted I went loopy, hoping you’d be on my team
When you got accepted I was right

Ten years later I’m so glad that it’s over
But I can’t help feeling like I did that October day

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